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Tell me if this is funny, okay?

She Was Sooooo Blonde That…:
-She sent me a fax with a stamp on it.
-She thought a quarterback was a refund.
-She tripped over the cordless phone.
-She put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind.
-She told someone to meet her at the corner of “Walk” and “Don’t Walk”.
-She took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.
-At the bottom of the application where is says “Sign here”, she wrote Sagittarius.
-If she spoke her mind, she’d be speechless.
-When she heard that 90% of all crimes were around the home, she moved.
-She got an AM radio. It took her 9 months to figure out that she could use it at night.
-When she saw the sign in front of the YMCA, she said, “Look! They spelled Macy’s wrong!”.
-She stood staring at the frozen orange juice because it said “Concentrate”.
-Why can’t blondes take coffee breaks? They’re too hard to re-train.
-What do you call 9 blondes in a circle? A dope ring.
-Why can’t blondes be pharmacists? Because they can’t figure out how to fit the bottle in the typewriter.
-What’s the definition of eternity? 4 blondes at a 4 way stop.
-Why do blondes have TGIF on their shoes? “Toe goes in first”.
-And the best one for last……………………..
-What did the blonde say when she looked into the box of Cheerios? “OH LOOK!!! Donut seeds.

Barney the Dinosaur
Everyone knows Barney,… that cute purple dinosaur.
But here’s something that you may not know:
1. Start with the given:
CUTE PURPLE DINOSAUR
2. Change all U’s to V’s (which is proper Latin anyway)
CVTE PVRPLE DINOSAVR
3. Extract all Roman Numerals:
CV V L DI V
4. Convert these into Arabic values:
100 5 5 50 500 1 5
5. Add these numbers up:
100
5
5
50
500
1
+ 5
—-
666
SEE THIS PROVES THAT BARNEY IS THE ANTICHRIST!!! I AM TELLING YOU BARNEY IS EVIL SO STAY AWAY!

A PUZZLE FOR YOU:
Schwartzenegger has a big one,
Michael J. Fox has a small one,
Madonna doesn’t have one,
The Pope has one but doesn’t use it,
Clinton uses his all the time,
Mickey Mouse has an unusual one,
George Burns’ was hot,
Liberace never used his on women,
Jerry Seinfeld is very, very proud of his,
We never saw Lucy use Desi’s,

What is it?

The answer is:
“A Last Name.”
Get your mind out of the gutter! LOL

Cards You’ll Never See in Hallmark:
Looking back over the years that we’ve been together…..I can’t help but wonder:………….what was I thinking?

Congratulations on your wedding day!………….too bad no one likes your wife.
How could two people as beautiful you…………have such an ugly baby?
I’ve always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love………after having met you, I’ve changed my mind.
I must admit, you brought Religion in my life………..I never believed in Hell until I met you.
As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am…….that you’re not here to ruin it for me.
Like the need for therapy….thanks for being a part of my life!!!……….I never knew what evil was before this!
Before you go………I would like you to take this knife out of my back……you’ll probably need it again.
Someday I hope to get married…………but not to you.
You look great for your age…….Almost lifelike!
When we were together, you always said you’d die for me………now that we’ve broken up, I think it’s time you kept your promise.
I knew the day would come when you would leave me for my best friend…….so here’s his leash, water bowl and chew toys.
We have been friends for a very long time………..what do you say we call it quits?
I’m so miserable without you………………it’s almost like you’re here.
Congratulations on your new bundle of joy……………did you ever find out who the father was?
You are such a good friend that if we were on a sinking ship and there was only one life jacket…. I’d miss you heaps and think of you often.
Your friends and I wanted to do something special for your birthday……so we’re having you put to sleep.

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